Hello Again! I thought I’d start off January with a super upbeat post! 😀

When you live in chronic pain, it changes everything. I think I’ve had 3-5 days in the past 1.5 years that have not involved a headache. My pain tolerance has gotten higher, but other things have changed too.

Last night I couldn’t sleep. Too much pain. I decided it was my headband (that tracks my brainwaves. I’m that cool), so I took it off. But that didn’t help. So then I decided it was because of my mouthguard, so I took that out. Still pain. I contemplated running into a wall, but decided against it. I tweeted at my brain that I was mad. Despite the pulsating pain behind my left eyeball, I still managed to get to sleep after about 1.5 hours of lying in the dark in pain.

Then my alarm went off this morning. When I wake up with pain, to me there is a clear solution. I should stay underneath the warm covers and go back to sleep. Or, if I’m hungry, I should get up, eat breakfast, and then huddle under the covers and fall back asleep. Back to the world where I only feel pain when I wake up.

I tried that today. I got up and ate and curled back up under the covers to contemplate whether I could handle a bus to campus and back, as well as 2.5 hours of class. I decided to tough it out. I showered (sometimes that brings relief, but not today). And headed out. The pulsing behind my eye had moved up to halfway between my ear and my eye. My right lobe was also chiming in once in a while, worried about being left out.

Now, as I sit hear writing, I am in pain. And I will go home and lie down and it will get a bit better, but I know that I’ll struggle to sleep again tonight. And that, most likely, I’ll wake up tomorrow in pain…again.

What do I do? Hope the pain decreases instead of increases. Hope that my doctors have new plans for me next week. Hope that I have some good distractions (B, music, movies, tv, puzzles, design work). Hope ’til I can’t hope any more and then wake up again tomorrow.